The everlasting job hunt

I feel like it is so hard to find a job. I am at the point again where I need to find a job but I know what it is like to have a terrible job and I really want a job that I actually like.

I have actually made some good progress today but I think I am dragging my feet because I really don't want to work for the summer. No, that's not true. I don't want to have a job I don't want to do for the summer.

Oh well, I guess we all have to suck it up and take one for the team.

It might as well be spring.

I'm healing and as each day passes, I feel a little bit better. I am very excited because I have lots of things to do once I feel well again. I have two possible job opportunities which I am trying to pursue.

However, the thing that gets me the most excited is that my mom and I are going to start a garden. I am not sure how successful we will be as gardeners but we are going to try.

The thought of home grown tomatoes, carrots and peas is so very enticing! I really hope that it works out and we actually garden well. Here's to hoping for delicious tomatoes, carrots, and peas!

I have been absent from blogging for a while which is sad because I was doing so well at updating daily. To be fair though, I have a legitimate excuse. I had my gall bladder out on Friday so I am healing and bumming around and stuff.

However, I will give you a little taste of what happened at the hospital. First, my surgery was scheduled for 7:30am so they wanted us to be at the hospital at 5:30. I flew into the San Jose Airport at 10:10pm the night before and didn't get to bed until after midnight, so the 5:30 wake up call was not so happily anticipated.

We got to the hospital and got to sit there for most of the 2 hours and do nothing. (okay, I changed into a hospital gown and booties, they took my vitals and I got my I.V. installed). Then, they wheeled me into the OR and they put me on the table. The anesthesiologist leaned over my head and said, "time for the good stuff." It was over. I don't remember anything else. WEIRD!!!

I woke up about an hour later in the post-op room and slowly came to terms with my surroundings. Shortly after coming to and talking to the nurse for a while, I was wheeled to a different room for a few hours until I accomplished my leaving tasks and then I was allowed to leave. My leaving tasks were:

- go to the bathroom
- keep down some crackers and water
- walk around
- not be in too much pain or nauseated

I accomplished the list in about 2 hours and then I went home to continue to be bored because there is not much you can do when you just had surgery.

So, to end this post, I thought I would write down a few first of this experience.
It was the first time I had:

- anesthesia
- oxygen mask
- heart monitor
- breathing tube
- these circulation booties (they went from my knee to my ankle and they tightened and release helping circulation so i don't get blood clots)
- surgery
- been in an operating room
- been wheeled around in a gurney
- been in a hospital gown and booties

Oh, I also got a souvenir water bottle! Whoohoo!!!

cuz everytime we touch I get this feeling...

So, before my story of the day, I would like to bring something up that is related to the story. People don't touch me often. I don't have a problem with people touching me (obviously if it is not inappropriate) but most people don't and I am not sure why. I assumed it was because people are generally pretty conservative when it comes to touching others no i wonder if it has something to do with me.

The reason I bring this up is that I have been visiting my friends apartment and two of the guys who live there are fairly touchy. Since it is not common for guys to put their arm around me or for them to put their hand on my knee. It was just a little surprising.

So, for the story. This is my little Icelandic Saga:

I'm in an Icelandic class this semester and I have two classmates. Yep, that's right, just two. One of them is my former roommate and the other is in my ward. I am really good friends with both of them. Since there are only three of us, class is a little different than it is in most other classes.

One day, the guy in my ward, we'll call him B-dawg, forgot his book for class. So, he scooted his desk next to mine and shared my book with me. I was in the middle of reading a sentence from the book when I felt him stroke my thigh. I immediately started to laugh and then had to refocus on the book to finish my sentence.

I finished and gave him a puzzled look. He looked back at me innocently. Our teacher and the rest of the class (aka my friend) were siting there a little confused. I looked at our teacher and I wasn't sure if i was supposed to continue reading. It turns out it was B-dawg's turn.

I tried to confront him about and he brushed me off. The next day in class he forgot his book again (okay, every time I tell this story whoever I am telling it to says, "oh, he 'forgot his book again.' I get it." with a wink. No, really, he forgot his book. We had the schedule mixed up for class, so he brought the wrong books to class that day).

Anyway, we were sharing a book and he did it again! This time, I was determined not to give a reaction and I didn't. After class, we were packing up and talking I asked him about it. He didn't really answer but then he said, "you didn't give a reaction. You liked it!" Then, he turned to our teacher and said, "Nicole's coming on to me in class."

My poor teacher didn't know what to do with himself. i laughed it off and let it go. It has happened a few times since then but it has mostly died off. I guess the moral of the story is my thighs are great for stroking ;)

I know you; I walked with you once upon a dream...

In high school I had lots of friends but I never dated anyone. This really was not an issue. I liked having friends and it seemed really irrelevant to try and date any of my friends (I did have a few crushes; I'm not devoid of feeling).

Also, I spent a lot of time in high school (and this continues in college) wondering if guys were even remotely interested in me. Well, I found out one bright summer day.

I park my car on a side street by the school. I didn't think that many people knew where my car was or what my car looked like. It turns out my "secret admirer" did. I walked to my car like usual after school one day and saw something weird on my windshield.

Well, it turns out, that there was a zip-lock bag about 1/3 filled with mini marshmallows and a note. The note read:

Nicole,
I have been watching you from afar. Your sweet spirit warms my heart.
Your secret admirer

I didn't believe it was actually from a guy. I thought it was from one of my friends playing a prank on me. I asked all my friends and none of them said they did it. I still to this day don't know who has been "watching me from afar." CREEPY!!!

School's out for the summer

Actually, school is not out for the summer but my roommate got that song stuck in my head. It's killing me!

However, that is not what I want to blog about today. I can't decide what I want to blog about. I don't think I want to talk about going away or all the sadness and I am pretty sure I don't want to talk about the little breakdown I had just recently. Hmm...

I have contemplated doing a lot of things with my blog. I am never quite sure what direction I should go in. I would never make it my "journal/diary" because there are somethings that I just don't want the whole world to know. I have thought about writing book reviews and movie reviews but I am not sure I have super defined opinions about books and movies. I am also not politically active to write political commentaries. Maybe I should start writing about all the funny stories that happen in my life. After all, I am a story girl.

Family Story #1

Okay, first story. My little sister will turn 8 this year but when she was littler, she noticed that people used air quotes. Well, she was to young to realize the true use of air quotes but she also appears to have not noticed the correct way to air quote.

So, she would use air quotes but she would use her first three fingers instead of just her first two. She would use them in sentences like "I'm going to the "'store.'"" Well, she was actually going to the store so the air quotes don't make that much sense.

She then evolved to using her middle two fingers (aka middle finger and ring finger) for her quotes, which is really awkward to do. She continued to use them improperly. It then evolved to the first three fingers on one hand and the first two fingers on the other. How that happened, I don't know. Eventually, she grew out of it (probably because she couldn't understand what they were actually used for).

Well, this week, I was hanging out and Elisa's house and I was talking with one of her roommates. I told her this story about my little sister's air quotes. Now Elisa's roommate uses awkward air quotes (either three or the two middle ones). It is pretty awesome.

Well, I think I am going to "'stop'" writing in my blog now.

I curious incident...

Something has come to my attention recently. I realized that the majority of the conversations that I have at BYU are about dating. It doesn't matter who I am talking to, we are always talking about dating. It is kind of insane. I just don't get it. I don't know what I talked about with people before I came to BYU. What has happened to me?

I think the funniest part of these last few days was that my friend told me that he finds himself talking to girls about gossipy stuff. He also mentioned that there were very few people he would really open up to. He mentioned that I was one of them. However, the majority of the time we talk about dating. It may be different but it still seems gossipy.

I have also noticed a change in myself. I am obsessed with boys. It may not be over the top and very apparent but I am. I feel like I have lost who I am because I am so obsessed with dating and getting married. I know it is important but I feel like it's all I think about and talk about. I really love going home because I feel like I become sane again. I'm coming home to sanity!

Suddenly I see...

So, girls are usually pretty self conscious; that is why we like compliments. Each girl is different and it depending on the girl, it depends how self conscious she is. I am mostly bringing this up because being a girl, I am also self conscious. Now usually, I don't think about it that much. I have a pretty good self esteem, I don't care what I look like which is why I don't usually wear make-up (although my roommates are taking me over to the dark side....)

So, I think I usually act like I don't care what people think of me but I actually think about it more than I would like. Sometimes, I am a really mean person and it makes me kind of sad when I realize that I am being mean or have been mean. So, sometimes I don't know how many people actually like me.

Last night I had a really good time over at a friend's house. We played Guitar Hero and socialized for a while. I realized that people actually like me. It is really nice knowing people actually like you, you know?

On a semi related note, I sometimes wonder how people perceive me. I am sure I don't know what people think of me because I am biased. I actually know why I make all my decisions but how does that come across when I am with other people? I love personality analysis, so sometimes I want to ask people what they really think of me.

Anyway, enough about me. Last night at my friend's house I made some really good friends and now I am kicking myself that I didn't become friends with them earlier and actually spent time doing fun things together. Oh, well. There isn't much I can do about it now except move on. *Sigh*

If we hold on together...

I know my last blog post was about how I am leaving all my friends behind but it is still something that is really weighing me down right now. Two of my friends came to visit me tonight and we had a really good time chatting for almost three hours. They also brought me peanut butter chocolate chip cookies. It really reminded me of how strong of a support group I have and how blessed I am.

I am also going to severely miss my roommates, especially the roommate I actually share a room with. We have become very close this year and I am going to miss the way she reacts to me and all of my ridiculousness. I think we have really grown a lot and learned a lot from each other. It is going to be hard to not see her for a while.

I also realized that I am really glad my roommate from last year and I are still so close. As much as I whined a lot about how I didn't have much of a social life last year, I am glad I spent so much time with my roommate instead. I don't think we would have ever become as good of friends if we hadn't talked for hours practically every night. Because of how different we are, I am pretty sure we would not have become friends without being forced to be together so much.

I was walking home with my ex-roommate and I realized that I don't really have a friend who brings out the same side in me. I am infinitely grateful that we are still friends and that we still spend time together. I think a lot of that is because we still have Icelandic that keeps us connected.

I know that after I get back from my mission, I will still have these friends even if they are not as easily accessible. I also know that I will make new friends and I will still be able to have a strong and loving support system. It is just a sort of bittersweet parting.

We're going to rock this town...

As the semester wraps up, I realize that I am really going to miss a lot of things while I am on my mission. I have known it was going to be hard to be away from my family for so long. I am going to miss them a lot. But I know my family will still be there when I get back.

I didn't realize how many people will be gone for good when I get back. The majority of my friends will graduate in a year and they will all move on while I am serving the Lord. I know this is a good thing and I want them moving on to fulfill their dreams it is just weird. It is kind of hard to take it all in.

I think the thing that makes me the most sad is that I am not investing very much time in seeing people because I am broken. I am just waiting until I can go home and have my surgery.

On a completely unrelated note, I have been watching these silent films with my roommate from last year called Judex. They are REALLY good. I think my favorite thing about silent films is that I can talk during them and I don't feel bad because I am not missing anything. They are awesome.

Guess this means you're sorry...

I remember in high school how everyone was involved in so much drama. I never really had that problem until this year. Seriously, I feel like I tried to cram all the drama I didn't have in high school into this one year of college.

First, there has been a lot of roommate drama bubbling under the surface of serenity. Some of it is just that people don't get a long. Other things are just miss communications. Some of it stems from that fact that people are non-confrontational. We have a lot of fun together but it can also be pretty bad. I guess that just comes with the territory of being a girl.

Secondly, I have a friend who was in my ward back home. We have had a...complicated relationship. It finally got to a point where I stopped talking to him. We are now in the process of rebuilding our friendship, I hope....

Thirdly, I realized that I really like this one guy a lot more than I realized. It's actually really bitey. There is only a week left in school, and then I am going home and then going on a mission. The worst part is that I could have actually done something about me liking him if I had only realized it sooner.

Oh well, I guess that's just life.

On a happy note, I got to see my really good friend today. I have missed her like crazy because we are both always so busy and she is married (aka she went to the dark side. JK Staice :) So, it was great being able to just talk to her for a while. We were always really good at just being able to talk. I'm going to miss not getting to see her for a long time.

One day more

So, I love people. I mean, I love specific people but I also love people as that collection of wonderfully different individuals who change my life with the brief moments that we talk, share and show that we love.

I bring this up because of an experience I had on the airplane yesterday. I usually don't talk much to the people I sit next to on airplanes for various reasons some of which are my fault. Yesterday I was flying to Utah from California. I sat next to this very nice man who was returning from a business trip.

We talked for the full 2 hours while we were on the flight. We talked about everything from his new grandson to missions to having general authorities in his ward. We had a great conversation and I am glad I got to spend my time learning from him. Sometimes i wonder why I don't learn more about the people around me. If I am going to be a missionary, I should learn how to start talking to people, right?

And my eyes were opened

It is curious how blind I can be sometimes. I walk through life thinking I know what is going on. Thinking I know what is right. I am glad that I go to church, listen to conference, read my scriptures and pray. Today my eyes were opened twice. I was able to see my life with new perspective.

The first was conference. It was wonderful listening to the prophets and apostles talk about the things we need to here. It reminded me of something I discovered earlier this semester. I realized that nothing gospel related will ever be addictive. It is part of our agency and no matter what, we will always have to make a conscious choice to choose the right whether that is choosing to go to the temple on a regular basis or choosing to read the scriptures daily. It will never be an "addiction."

Addictions of any kind are part of Satan's "plan." I realized that I have addictions that are getting in my way. I am not addicted to pornography or drugs but I am addicted to small things that are not bad things of themselves but they are pulling me away from the good things I could be doing. I need to remember that I can choose to be addicted or to do the things I should be doing.

The other thing I realized today was that I have been thinking about the temple in the wrong way. I am trying to prepare myself for my mission and for entering the temple so I have been spending more time studying about those things. I realized today, through study and talking to a friend of mine, that I have had the wrong perspective about the temple. The temple is a place I should want to go, which I do, but it is also a place where I will make serious covenants and I need to understand the gravity of what I am doing. I am grateful that with the Lord's help I can be ready to enter the temple when the time comes.