a life of extreams

After taking a test today, I was walking home. As I walked down the steps in front of the testing center, I rounded the corner just as a fairly large adolescent male deer leaps in front of me. I was astounded! I thought about how glorious it is to have such magnificent and beautiful creatures walking this earth, and how lucky I am to enjoy this world.

Just a little bit ago, I dumped a scalding hot pizza (formerly known as my dinner) onto the floor. First I allowed it to bounce off my body a bit. My hand is burning and it hurts like the dickens. As I ran my hand under water, I sat there thinking about how well I reacted to the incident. Aside from the fact that it took a few seconds to settle in, I think i did well. the first thing I did was run my crying little hand under water. I mean what is more important, my hand or my food/carpet? And while I was trying to get the intense pain to leave my hand, my loving roommate cleaned up my mess.

I guess I was just thinking about how extremely fast life moves on and changes.

oh, and typing with one hand and one finger is really hard.

When we walked in feilds of gold.

Life has been interesting recently. On thursday, I totally broke character and called my friend out of the blue. I have a slight fear of telephones, so it is quite a bit out of character for me to call someone out of the blue. The blessings of that phone call was a fabulous night of thrilling escapades. Everything beyond that is pretty hush-hush.

Last night my roommate and my good friend and I played in the fresh few inches of snow! We made snow forts. My fort just looked like a mound, and protected my feet up to my mid-calf. I guess snow builder is not my calling in life. My roommate's was really good and could have protected her if we had a war. And my friend Marcindra's fort looked a lot like a bench.

After we gave up on our forts, we snow wrestled :) Good times had by all! And then we rounded off the great evening by eating hot chocolate with ice cream and watching "While you were sleeping."

Having friends is nice. Too bad Marcindra's leaving in a few weeks :( Well, at least we can spend time together now :)

I also changed the feng shui of my room and moved everything around. So, since I got up late and I was up late parting, my room is still very much a disaster. Yay!

Anyway, I have so much to do for school, I think my head is going to explode.

Could music be the food of love?

So, I have decided that I am going to audition for the music performance. I want to do vocal performance which is really fun, but the audition is really scary. But the more I think about it, the more I want to be in the program. Well, we'll see what happens.

Ward Prayer was really funny last night because I got to dance with Aaron right in the middle of it, so he could get a spider off of me. And the leader of ward prayer tried to kiss my friend right in front of everyone. Good times had by all!

Anyway, I realized today that I am so behind in everything, I don't think I will ever catch up. It's not like I wanted to pass my classes anyway.

Yay for Linux!

Singing and Dancing in the rain!

I am in such a good mood right now! I think it is because of the song I am listening to. It is just a song a stumbled on while on my blog walk today. It is called "Love Song" by Sara Bareilles. The point of the song isn't even really uplifting, but I think it is the melody that has hit the right chord for me. I just wish it was raining because I am in a dancing in the rain kind of mood.

Why can't the weather cooperate?

I love Christmas! I can't wait for snow just around the holidays, however for christmas I will be at the equator, but I will have my family and it will be really relaxing. Thinking about Christmas puts me in the mood for hot chocolate, sweaters, mistletoe, Christmas Trees, snow, Holiday music, garlands, lights, cookies, and just the gaiety of the season.

I am so happy and content right now. I love this feeling!

Bring on the rain and snow!

my horrible discovery

So, yesterday, i watched WAY too much online TV while I was doing my homework. So, as I was going to bed I had a really painful look inward and I don't like a lot of what I see. I am tired of being lazy and not accomplishing the things I want. I am tired of being unhappy. I am tired of dreaming big and settling for little. I am tired of giving in to the easy way and my natural man tendacies. I am tired of being slovenly, lazy and a general underachiever.

So, I resolved to be better, but here I am sitting on the couch writing in my blog. Why can't I change?

help...?

the things I never knew

Hmmmm...
I just found out that I am an accountant in Afghanistan. I don't remember if I put that in my profile, or if Blogger did that on it's own. Either way, I was totally clueless. I guess that means I know even less about myself than I thought.

lately I have felt like I am always a day late and a penny short. (That phrase always makes me giggle :) ). I guess part of it is that I don't focus on the things that I am doing well. For instance, I have been spending lots of time with friends, which is really important. I am doing a good job at keeping on top of my homework; so I guess all in all I am doing well.

Well, off to try to un-late and penny-gain my life!

These are a few of my favorite things

I have decided that there are way too many things to do in life. If I had it my way I would do everything. I bring this up because I was watching Motel 6: Roll to Riches. It sounds really dumb, but I really wish I was on a bowling league. I don't know that I have time but I just wish I could do everything, well except for the things I don't like.

So, I want to make a list. Why? I don't know, but here are some of the things I wish I could do that I don't have the time for.

1) Join a bowling League
2) Join a ballroom dance team (I guess I need to learn how to ballroom dance first)
3) Become a good pool player
4) Learn how to draw well
5) Learn French
6) Learn Latin
7) Learn Greek
8) perform in my favorite musicals


That is all I can think of right now. So, that is who I would be in a different life...
what do you think?

life is good (and sometimes tough) and then you die

I have been really happy lately. I am social and doing good in school and having fun. What more could I ask for? well, maybe some dating experience.

Someday my husband will come...

Not that I am complaining, I love being single, but I sorta want to reach exaltation. Plus, there are lots of great boys here at school. Why can't I go on a date now and then?

life is funny

I am watching Ninja Warrior right now. I have never seen it and I think it is amazing. How often do you get to read awkward captions and then see people do crazy stunts.

I also discovered xkcd.com good nerdy fun. I think today is a good day. oh, and I just finished watching the Cobert Report.

Good times had by all!

mmm...Pie!

"As Jack Handey wisely said, 'When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It may be a trick, but if not....mmmm, boy!'" - BoTS by Kathrine Gee

I like pie. I really like this quote. I thought the rest of the world should have the opportunity to see it and truly enjoy it.

Do you know what else I really like? People that make me laugh. I have a new friend that makes me laugh all the time. I almost died today from laughing. good times.

work

I need to remember how good it feels to do work. Any work, but being busy feels so good. I am happy when I am busy. The world just seems so much better when I have things to do and I am doing them all the time. I am sure that for most people this is obvious, but I am not sure. Americans are not very good at finding a balance between working enough, but not too much.

I am trying to find a balance. What about you?

She holds you captivated in her palm

Suddenly I see, this is what I want to be.
...she fills up every corner like she's born in black in white.

I have had a lot of these moments lately. I think I need to change, but I am having a hard time doing that. It's not that I don't think I am a good person; it's just that I realize that I have a greater potential than I am using. I want to be the best I can be, isn't that a worthy goal?

Cooking

So, since this is my first year where I really have to cook for my self, I have come to some conclusions.

a) Stores sell stuff in quantities that are meant for families, not singles.
b) cooking for yourself is not hard, just a pain
c) shopping for food sucks (I have always liked it until now. Now when I shop I don't buy half the things I want just because I am tired of being at the store)
d) cooking is fun like maybe once a week not three times a day, ugh.

Okay, after a great Ugly Betty and Office Season premiere, it is time for me to do my favorite thing, Grocery shopping!!!

No Day But Today!

I can't control my destiny, i trust my soul. my only goal is just...to be.
give to love or live life in fear.

I never thought I would like the musical rent, but I have been listening to some of the original cast recording and I really think that there are a lot of good things that this musical says.

I have recently made a lot of changes to my attitude on life. I have decided that I really can be the person that I have ideally wished to be. I can not do everything, I do have a limit, but I have always been good at keeping myself from that point but I haven't fully embraced life.

I am really looking forward to the rest of my life, come what may. Mostly I have to let go and trust in my soul and my savior. I have to give in to his love and my faith, or I will spend my life living in fear.

no other path, no other way, no day but today.
(lyrics from Rent's Another Day)

my life is being sucked away....

There is this class that is totally sucking my life away. I don't know that I will be able to pass the class. The problem is not that it is hard, the problem is that it is just way to time consuming. This is craziness. Help, I am drowning can someone save me, please?

On a different note, I have been a lot happier lately. I really love most of the classes that I am taking, and I am really excited for my major. Sorry, I would love to chat, but I have to go work. Someday I will be able to blog again.

I'm back

Sorry it has taken me so long to get back. It has been a crazy few weeks.

I have moved into the condo I am living in this year, and it has been great. I really like having my own room and I can see the Y from my desk. I can also see the beautiful mountain. Things are good.

I am almost done organizing my room which makes me very happy!

On a slightly sadder note, I have realized that I don't enjoy theatre as much as I used to. I think I just need to be revived, but right now it is hard for me to be excited about anything. And I am still confused about my major.

any help, anyone?

You're the Music in me

I was watching High School Musical 2 today. It wasn't as good as the first one, but some of the songs were good. I really liked "You're the Music in Me."

I have noticed recently that music is a huge part of my life. I don't think I could live without it. So, I won't. So, I will sing and dance and enjoy the music everywhere.

Ya for life!

Beauty is in my eye

Attraction is a weird thing. To me there are two kinds of attraction; physical attraction and the attraction to a personality. It seems that for me the physical attraction becomes unimportant once I have truly discovered the beauty of the personality.

Sometimes I wonder, how do I appear to others. In my minds eye, I am very different then when I look in the mirror. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see what I somewhat expect. Other days I am surprised by what I see.

How is beauty defined? I guess the saying makes sense, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So, can a person see everything as beautiful?

Everything!

I am totally infatuated with Everything by Michael Buble. I want someone to feel that way about me someday. Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to complain. I don't need that right now, I am just saying, that is what I want someday.

Anyway, I am getting really ready to go back to school. I am really excited to stop working. I am also looking forward to go school supply shopping!

I have this obsession with office supply stores. Looking at the fresh crayons all lined up in a row. The smell of new pencils. It is so much fun! I think it is the whole idea of becoming organized; I crave it. So, when I go to the store it is my organization fix.

Here are the good days!

Bloop!

I think bloop is such a funny word. It is really fun to say, and it is such a weird noise. In one of my math classes a computer made that sound randomly through the class. good times!

I am thinking about going to Jerusalem. Wouldn't that be awesome? I think it would be so cool. I also want to learn, well, everything, but I was going to say Hebrew. Man, I am so excited for life!

Until we meet again my friend...

Dating?

First of all, let me just say that church was amazing today. It made me want to change without making me feel too guilty. Perfect blend. I thought it was a good day.

In other news, I have been thinking about dating. There must be total subliminal messaging going on because I really want to date. The funny part is I really don't.

Now, I know that didn't make sense, so let me explain. I feel like I am missing out, which in a way I am because I don't really date, but I don't really try either. However, right now I am not looking for a serious relationship, so dating is kind of irrelevant at least for me.

But BYU is stupid and makes you think that you are doing something wrong if you aren't married by like 18. But I don't even know who I am, how can I be someone's wife?

That is the real question of the day.

btw I just finished March 15, 2002

Raindrops on Roses

I have this problem. Well, it's not so much a problem as a weird fact. I believe that those who read this will either fit in to two categories; those who identify with me and those who think I am off my rocker. (Those who know me, know that most of the time I am off my rocker but life is way more fun that way.)

Anyway, my 'problem' is that whenever I find something I think is beautiful, I internalize it and it creates this strange... energy. I guess it is more like powerful emotional energy. It is amazing and beautiful, but I don't have an outlet for it. It is one of those things that no matter what I do, I can't let is soar and fly like it should be. Eventually it goes away until I find another object of beauty, but what I wouldn't give to find a way to express it.

So, dear readers, what do you think of me now? It doesn't really matter, no offense, since in reality this blog is just one of my many attempts at trying to unleash that emotion from inside.

Have you ever noticed the beauty of raindrops on roses?

Yummy!

I have been saying this a lot lately and I don't know why. I mean for things that actually taste good and for other things too. Speaking of yummy, I just ate a chocolate-chip cookie!

I am pretty sure you have no idea how big of a dork I am. So to illustrate, here is a conversation I had with my friend, except he was away, so it is just me talking. Good times.

ldsblondie2: are you there?
Auto response from chriscoolzer: away
ldsblondie2: or are you actually away?
ldsblondie2: it sounds like you are actually away, but guess what?
ldsblondie2: I am going to talk to you anyway!
ldsblondie2: isn't that exciting!
ldsblondie2: I think it is
ldsblondie2: since you are not going to be very helpful in this conversation, I will have to work really hard
ldsblondie2: I wonder if your computer makes a noise every time I type something?
ldsblondie2: wouldn't that be funny if it did?
ldsblondie2: I think it would be hilarious
ldsblondie2: So, the other day I was walking to my car
ldsblondie2: I know lol
ldsblondie2: it was so funny I almost go hit by a car
ldsblondie2: because i was on the ground laughing
ldsblondie2: were you there at church when I was engaged for like a second
ldsblondie2: to my cousin?
ldsblondie2: that was so funny
ldsblondie2: alexa was almost on the floor laughing as in rofl
ldsblondie2: I really like the name rofl
ldsblondie2: I think I will name my kid rofl
ldsblondie2: by the way,
ldsblondie2: this is mostly payback for the fact that you never came back last night when we were talking
ldsblondie2: but this is pretty bad payback
ldsblondie2: because if you actually read this, you will just have a good laugh
ldsblondie2: and if you don't then you won't know what you missed
ldsblondie2: burn
ldsblondie2: man
ldsblondie2: i am pretty good at having a one sided conversation
ldsblondie2: maybe I talk too much
ldsblondie2: what do you think?
ldsblondie2: you have to be careful what you say here, because if I do talk to much and you don't like it
ldsblondie2: then you will want me to know that i have this problem
ldsblondie2: but you can't just tell me that I talk too much because that will hurt my feelings.
ldsblondie2: what are you going to do?


So to anyone that reads my blog, here is a yummy conversation that shows who I truly am!

Have fun, eat cookies, and bring my reputation back by midnight!

Changes...

So I cut my hair in April. I cut off way too much. I really don't like having this short of hair, so I am going to suck it up and take one for the team (I don't know what team I am talking about, but I am totally committed.)

On a somewhat related note. I have realized that I want to be more ambitious (funny thing I was really lazy today). Anyway, I need to become the person I want to be.

I am trying to make it so that my blog isn't too deep. I am not a depressed person, but part of the reason I made a blog is to let my crazy little thoughts run free! Sometimes, I don't like listening to myself, so I am making you listen to me insead. How kind of me, if I do say so myself.

Until we are reunited....(sorry, that was the cheesiest sign off, but I am trying to be creative. You'll get what you get and you'll like it!)

Personality test

So I took these two personality tests that were supposed to give the same results. However I am a totally split person. Well, maybe that's just how I am.

Test Results

Your personality type is ESTJ.

Extraverted (E) 50%	Introverted (I) 50%
Sensing (S) 64%	Intuitive (N) 36%
Thinking (T) 65%	Feeling (F) 35%
Judging (J) 50%	Perceiving (P) 50%

Your Type is
ENFJ

Extraverted	Intuitive	Feeling	Judging
Strength of the preferences %
11	25	25	56

It's funny because sometimes I really feel split. like should I follow my heart or my mind?

Anyway, I should go to bed now.

kisses!

I Love Lacey

So, I am watching So you think you can Dance from last night. I have decided that that was one of the best nights in television. Everyone was on there game, but especially Lacey Schwimmer. The dance where she is a mannequin is spectacular. So is the business deal dance with Neil and Sabra.

It makes me want to dance more than anything. But then again watching American Idol makes me want to sing. Am I really that easily influenced? It appears so.

On a similar note (although not really), I think that Fields of Barley is a beautiful song. Sting sings a version of it called Fields of Gold. I think the melody is entrancing and the lyrics are magical.

Anyway, that is my rave of the day.

Dove Chocolate Love

So I had a piece of dove chocolate today, and you know they have those messages on the inside. So I open one up and I am eating it while I read what it said in side. Guess what it said?

When two hearts race, both win.

Yeah I'm serious. I almost choked on the chocolate I was laughing so hard.

Anyway, I looked on line two days ago and saw that the job I wanted was posted. I was so excited. I was getting my resume ready and then when I went on yesterday to actually submit it, IT WAS GONE!!!!

I was distraught, so I sent an email to the job site seeing what happened and if I could still apply. We'll see what happens, I hope things work out.

Acceptance

Acceptance is a funny thing. No matter who you are there is always a part of you that longs to be included somewhere. It is especially hard for me growing up in the church. Mostly because we are taught to love one another, but I didn't always feel that.

We also grow up learning that you don't need to be accepted by others because Heavenly Father love you and his love is infinite. But for me that is hard too because although is love is infinite, it doesn't make my life better.

I guess in the grand scheme of things the best thing I can do is to be confident in who I am especially because the people who do know me like me. I can't be that bad can I?

Well, I should work now.

Peace, I'm out!

the 100 hour board and my addiction

I love the 100 hour board. I have a hard time not reading it all the time, but at least it is reading, right. It's not mindless video games, right? Okay, who am I kidding? Anyone?

Anyway, I am thinking about trying out to be a writer. I feel like it is a club that I would fit in with. Maybe that is a stupid reason, but it's what I've got. I also love giving answers even if they are made up. See I totally fit.

Today is back-word writing day.
Yadot si kcab-drow gnitirw yad.

I rednow tahw I dluohs etirw won? ebyam, i dluohs etirw tuoba sburcs. I ma gnihctaw taht ihgir won. ymmuy!

this is a lame post. It's cuz I am watching tv and iming
I don't multi-task well apperently.

peace out!

To blog or not to blog? That is the question.

I had a really hard time deciding if I should create a blog or not. Well, we'll see how this goes.

Sometimes I think I need an outlet for my thoughts and emotions. Sometimes my thoughts go wild and I can't handle my inner dialogs. In theory, this blog should cut down on my inner monologue, but maybe it will only encourage it.

It's funny because when I was little I specifically remember thinking what I would tell reporters about myself when I was famous. Even now when I write I am always directing what I write to some other person, some unseen being that is reading these words. I guess I want to be heard, even if I am only heard by my made up audience.

Seriously though, the only reason we have words is to communicate, so how can I write if I don't know what I am communicating and who I am communicating to. It is nice though, to get things off my chest even if I am the only person that reads this.

peace and love